I googled her because of the other poems I posted and I really like this stuff

sweetwhatsername:

My boyfriend sends me a text that says,

“When we have a daughter, can we name her Marble?”

Its not the name Marble

Or the daughter

It’s the WHEN

That pulls me record scratch stopped in the middle of a crosswalk

That same week

My roommate breaks up with his girlfriend because

“there was no point in stretching it out”

He wants kids one day

She does not

I consider the man on the dating website 2 years ago telling me he could not wait to meet me 

Who within an hour cancels our dinner plans 

when he notices that my profile says I do not want kids. 

He’s not wasting a perfectly good dinner on my condemned and empty hips.

I named them Sylvia

My period is late for the first time since I lost my virginity

My boyfriend and I go to CVS to buy a test

He asks me if it’s a girl can we name her Erma after his grandmother

I ration a little of the blood I am trying to channel down to my uterus to my cheeks 

and laugh for the first time in a week.

They don’t make Hallmark cards for your first pregnancy scare

No one shows up with a cake 

and balloons

and gifts to celebrate your continuance of not being a mother

I think they should.

I am registered at Target 

After watching a friend’s kids while he handles hot pans in the kitchen 

he slaps me on the back and says 

“you’re good at this. You should have a couple.”

As if this is a compliment

I smile

because I know he means it to be a compliment

I name that one Harold

The hour long argument with the bossy girl at a party

after I say I would have my tubes tied in a second if I could

She slams hands on the table sure I will change my mind

Desperate for my biological clock to sync with hers.

Rosemary.

My boyfriend’s hat size is XL

I have to special order the fedora as a Christmas gift

My pelvic wall winces at the thought.

Unbeknownst to my boyfriend

I have named the hat Fenwick.

I am in the room when my best friend of 15 years gives birth to her third child

She tells me that contractions feel like being attacked by a wolf from the inside out

By the end there is so much blood I am riffle loaded 

and looking for the beast that did this to her 

I spoon ice chips into her mouth 

and try distract us both from the impressive number of stitches going into her vagina

It takes me nearly a month to hold the baby

When I finally do I check him for fangs

And fur

And claws

Despite the normally taken precautions

My period is late for the 4th time since I lost my virginity

We have evacuation plans posted like fire drills in the medicine cabinet

If its too late for plan B

PLAN C=

Join the Roller Derby

My uterus does not quiver at the sight of fat cheecked babies discovering their toes

I do not touch pregnant women’s bellies and coo

I think that shit is mad creepy

I love children

but have no desire to baby proof my home

I own and like owning breakable things

I am and like being the one who breaks them

I name each piece 

Magda

Zora

Finn

Jack

Iris

Adah

There is this knowledge that he and I would make beautiful babies

He would make a great father

I would-despite my own protests-make a really good mother

There are the pregnancy dreams

There are the holding hands to belly 

and wondering what an answer would feel like

There is sadness in knowing I will not be that piece of miraculous for him

or with him

There is a strange and unexplainable guilt for wanting none of it.

This I have named

Marble.